On holidays and hotels. An insight into Israeli holidays, as an Israeli.
Well it looks as if Eilat is our holiday for the next 15 years, since lets face it, no other affordable city is an appealing option. Well maybe Dubai. I suppose it’s all in the choice of passport. I quite fancied the dead sea but was somewhat put off after a bad contact lens incident some years back [Shuli, thanks for the mineral water. God that hurt.]
Anyway husbands work have an annual Eilat trip [part subsidised] which is great except its high season. Lots of French people. And of course Israelis. And especially French women in deplorably silly shoes.
Having chosen “the Help” as my holiday reading, recommended by a reliable friend as suitably content-packed enough to justify reading, but trashy enough to read when tired/on holiday/supervising 2 small children in a swimming pool I found myself thinking, with relief, how grateful I am to live in a country that is practically colour-blind. Well at least it is where we live anyhow, I have heard horror stories of bad integration attempts but where we are, all colours are good colours. Then I noticed that all the cleaning staff and much of the waiting staff at the hotel were in fact black. So how far have we really come? But this is a result of Israel having some amazingly generous attitudes towards asylum seekers, and this colour trend demonstrates how the lowest jobs are being taken by the most recent immigrants. At this point I would like to mention how proud I am to be Israeli. How, despite being surrounded by completely immoral blood-sucking people Israel can always be relied on do the right thing. I noticed many of the staff actually understood good service, which is something Israel has been desperately lacking forEVER. Husband was curious to ask them their stories but we thought it would be too raw. Jojo, naturally, was a huge hit amongst the staff and made friends with a good-looking waiter from Eritrea and pulled at least 5 pretty waitresses and one barmaid. Yaron has this bashful smile thing he turns on which is a relief because frankly he leaves a huge mess after every meal. Basically he gets bored by the time Husband and I start eying up the dessert trolley and starts experimenting with gravity. [Lets just say full board is the way to Get Fat Quick.] We had not seen this much meat since made aliyah including, good grief, Braised Mallard. Yes that is those cute ducks with the green beaks which husband had no problem eating. I spent far too much time hanging at the lake on Bushey heath to be doing that. We ate salmon for what must be the first time since making aliyah, apart from the odd bit of sushi. In fact i think we consumed more animals in 4 days then we do normally in 4 months. I am normally dead against eating anything farmed, endangered or injected full of hormones but I put my principles aside for the sake of a holiday, because frankly, Israel are hideously behind on a lot of this stuff and I am not sure my abstaining is going to change the mentality. I did, however, inform the hotel that their Green attitude was CRAP. Got to start somewhere.
I think my most shocked moment was over breakfast, when I witnessed a child – scratch that – a baby eating a plate of chocolate balls for breakfast, and steadily refusing every bite of yoghurt/beautifully cut-up fruit its mother attempted to put into it. Don’t try to tell me that some parents are just stuck with fussy eaters. This was a BABY. How did it know these cereals even exist??? There were parents feeding little babies chocolate puddings, and french women who had BOUGHT THEIR OWN YOGHURTS for their [self-made] bratty kids. Oh My God. You have never seen so much choice for a breakfast [including nice yoghurts, by the way] and they are smuggling in crap food for their little darlings. My kids watched this scenario, in fascination, whilst smeared in cheese and olives and semolina and fruit and whatever else I had bothered to pile on their plates. Please imprison me if they ever choose these options for their most important meal of the day.
Seeing as I had turned up to my holiday with a bug, I was feeling a little sorry for myself so Husband suggested I book in for a massage at the Vitalis Spa. A little indulgent but there is nothing more miserable than being ill on holiday, let me tell you. I booked in for The Edge massage [concentrates on head, hands and feet] but they had no women masseurs available so I ended up with Mickey. Lets just say he was very good with his hands. And rumour has it he is opening a Turkish bath house in Tsfat, and even has a clinic here in Karmiel so I think we might have to pay it a visit….
On Friday Husbands work had organised a fun boat trip out into the ocean, as far as Egypt (Taba). Jojo was terribly impressed at Husband jumping on a slide straight into the sea, so of course I had to do it to. Can’t have my little boys thinking mummy is a wimp now can we? Was great fun. Never realised how salty the sea was down there though. The kids had bad colds but I think they still enjoyed the experience, for the most part. They are fascinated by all modes of transport which makes them very easy to entertain. Thankfully.
Since having a wild night out is impossible with two little kids [unless you want to be the family with screaming children in the street at 11pm, which few people seem to have a problem with but which are far to English to do] we allowed ourselves to be lured into the hotels kids evening entertainment, which I can honestly say was the most entertaining thing to do in Eilat, tho perhaps not for the reasons the organisers hoped. We didn’t stay long because the host kept ignoring Jojo and it was starting to bug me but it was basically a talent show. Little kids were happily running on stage to sing whilst we all sat there with tears streaming down our cheeks. “Whats your name?” Big smile. “Shaked.” “And what are you going to sing for us tonight”. “The Lazy Song”. [Backing music starts.] “Today I’m not doing anyzing….” “Yep, just like Israeli Butlins. I think stage confidence is viewed as very important here, it’s a very desirable trait amongst parents to have a kid that’s happy to perform, part of their Socialisation culture. Thing is, I’m not convinced it IS such an important trait in a child. I suppose it’s great if they end up with the confidence to pursue their chosen career in performing arts but surely they also end up with a staggering amount of cringeworthy performances on “cochav nolad”? [A star is born?] People who have reached the age of 23 and who still haven’t figured out that they can’t actually sing? Or worse, an overload of contenders for big brother, beauty and the geek and whatever other vile reality TV is coming our way next. There is such a thing as too much confidence.
Its a bit weird going on holiday as an Israeli. For some reason our new olim status made us deeply suspicious and we got interrogated at both airports. No idea why. Also, because we were in tourist mode, we almost forgot we were Israeli. Except on the way back, when I exercised all possible chutzpah, and only because I love my son to bits. I asked the pilot, very nicely, if Jojo could sit in the cockpit. And he said yes. Jojo looked somewhat dazed, I thought he was tired but now I think he was just a bit in shock. Not sure it was really happening. But I don’t think he will forget that experience in a hurry.
Afterwards, I asked him what he wanted to be when he’s older and hes still deadset on being a rubbish truck driver. So I may never get to say “My Son, the Pilot.” Still, I think I will likely sleep better at night.