On Mums and Moving with the Times

So I was having my nightly 5 minutes relaxation with the newspaper and a hot choc when husband asks if my letter to the Jpost had been printed. I had clean forgotten I even wrote it, a mere 2 days ago. [I swear I had a good memory before I had kids]. Anyway he opened it up and there was my letter, as usual, unedited [I like to think I am concise, at least when I write…]. So we settled down and waited for the phone to ring from working mothers telling me I dont really understand anything about the plight of women in Israel because I am not in the workforce… within an hour I get a call from a very nice lady, in her seventies, currently expecting her one hundredth !!!! grandchild living in Bayit Vagan [no she doesnt know my Aunty Marietta] who somehow tracked me down just to tell me she really liked my letter. For what could be more important than raising children? All 12 of her children were at home until 4 or 5, depending on whether she felt they were ready. The thing is, despite the fact that she is charedi, and her religious arguments for the joys of motherhood were things that I could never voice… [I am simply not holy enough] the plain fact is I agree with her.

It IS hugely important and whilst I understand Israel has had to make sacrifices to survive, and the women of the yishuv movement did what they had to do, [and boy am I proud of them for it] I don’t think that their situation was ever intended to set the path for the future. Quite the opposite, they were the best example of tough, dedicated women, who did what needed to be done. And who were willing to move Outside of the Norm, as a temporary measure for the formation and survival of the new Jewish state.

But that was then.

In 2012, where in Israel do we see support for the SAHM??? [that’s Stay At Home Mums, for those of you not familiar with the online lingo]. I have seen MP’s banging on about family values, but the simplest building block – [i.e. one parent – preferably the one with the breasts] staying home to care for the children in their early years is never mentioned. It’s almost a dirty word to even suggest it. Are we afraid of offending women by suggesting they stay home to care for their own children? Is it a fear of upsetting those who truly have no choice? In a country that prides itself on listening and responding to matters of social justice, why is there an assumption that the majority of women in Israel have “no choice”? Is this true? And I would like to verify, how many women earning the pittance they pay up here in the north for doing anything short of Hi-tech are clearing substantially more than 4,000 shekel a month? [this is the cost of 2 kids in gan/decent mishpachton]. Am I missing something?

Whilst I’m on the subject, where are all the council estate mums??? I am actually starting to miss them. I took the boys to a small local park today and spied two crusty-looking russian mums sitting on a bench with cigarettes, whilst their kids [bit older than mine] played. They actually made me almost homesick. Where are all the low socio-economic group mums? In the UK, being a SAHM appears to have very little to do with class, and everything to do with choice. People make a decision, a lifestyle choice. It may not be a true choice [invariably if you choose not to work you will have to forfeit holidays, possibly clothes, or in our case eating meat!] but in that society, if a mother does not work the assumption is not that she is wealthy. [or misguided/needy/deranged for wanting to bring up her own kids].

So far, I have not yet heard a convincing argument for sending Jojo to Gan. Here is a roundup of the latest comments:

“But how will he learn hebrew?” [heard that one quite a lot, actually. truth is I don’t really care. I speak ivrit and I wasn’t born here, I am sure he will manage]
“I think its good for them to meet other children, to interact” [why, so he can learn to eat sweets and pick up their table habits?]
“But they have so much FUN there!”

Indeed, I am not saying he wouldn’t have fun there. But he has fun at home too. He has told me this, several times recently, whilst doing a range of activities “Mummy I’m having fun!” [totally spontaneous, I assure you].

People ask me if I get bored, or frustrated, or suffer from lack of stimulation, adult conversation, appreciation or fresh air. Course I do. I am human. But seeing as I experienced all of the above whilst in the workplace/attempting a phd I cant really blame being a SAHM. These are common workplace complaints.

One thing I will say about this job. No two days are the same. And as Victoria Wood once famously said, you get used to shopping for clothes the colour of poo.