What the hell is Zumba???

It’s driving me mad this Zumba business. Everyone’s talking about it. As I can’t seem to find a normal dance class in Karmiel I might just have to give it a go.  Meanwhile I am at least managing some yoga – although the Matnas couldn’t reconcile the issue with the Zumba class happening over our heads [imagine a herd of elephants on the room on top during relaxation and you get the general idea] so they moved us to the room where they do the kiddy acitivites which is cold and harshly lit and totally not conducive to yoga.  And of course they are still trying to rip me off. After a MAJOR fight with evil matnas-woman last week  I was seething but decided to spare you all the details. Lets just say it’s not so relaxing to come out of a nice evening yoga class and be ACCOSTED by a mad morroccan woman rubbing her hands together asking me for money. She was an exact depiction of those anti-semitic cartoons that circulated Germany pre WW2. A pair of Fagin-like gloves and she would be well away.  She was still harping on about wanting me to pay for the entire month of December despite me only attending 2 classes due to sickness. Anyway I told her in no uncertain terms what I thought of her and her way of working, and her goddamn system and also told her exactly where she could stick her bloody cheque. And then swept out of the reception.  All of this would have been dead impressive were it not for the fact that I couldn’t manage it all in ivrit and from their perspective I was the crazy mad foreigner repeating herself and waving her hands around madly. Whatever. I ain’t paying them til they give me the discount they promised and that will be the last time I set foot in that godforsaken place if it kills me. I am not sure why it’s a Matnas [translates as a Community Centre]. It neither serves the Community nor is it in the centre.

Happily my nice Israeli friend patiently listened to me ranting down the phone angrily after this incident and then calmly suggested I try her yoga class in the next district. It’s not really aimed at my level but the teacher has a nice relaxing voice and it’s in a nice room that’s actually suitable for yoga and was really very calming, if not quite the aerobic level I need.

We spent a nice shabbat in the Golan, courtsesy of Nefesh B’Nefesh, our sponsors. They organised a tiyul of the Golan on Friday with a guide which I couldnt really listen to as with each stop the baby decided to he had to eat then and there so that was that. But basically we were practically in Syria which I gathered is Israels quietest border. But still not one I would want to cross. We stayed in a kibbutz called Keshet, (so named because the surrounding mountains resemble a rainbow) in rennovated kibbutz accomodation (actually really nice) and dined like kings for shabbat. You have never seen such an abundance of food. I had to miss the evening activity to put the kids to bed and we all ended up actually getting a good nights sleep thanks to some decent heating. Bliss. Otherwise it really cold but I was prepared having spent many a shabbaton on my Gap year staying up in the North wondering why I felt more cold up here than I ever did in England. Unfortunately one never gets used to the stone floors if used to carpet. Last year my mum turned up at my house one day with a load of stuff for Jojo including 2 thermal vests from an M&S sale which I laughed at. Whats he going to do with those in Israel?? I asked her. Finally found a use for them. I can survive here with no winter coat but inside is freezing wherever you go.  The Golans gorgeous in the Winter – really green (total opposite of the UK which is obviously green in the summer) and we were in a really beautiful place. Bizarrely the natives were very unfriendly. They all ignored us if we wished them a shabbat shalom (weird) and the Rabbi actually announced before Friday night davening that KIDS WERE NOT WELCOME IN SHUL SERVICE! WTF??? Obviously my friend and I took that as a signal to keep our kids in shul for the whole of kabbalat shabbat. Since when was Israel not kid-friendly???

After travelling up to the Golan we then went south to visit my father. It’s strange being in Tel-Aviv having not been in a city for months; Jojo was in heavan and spent 3 days car-watching enthusiastically. We are thinking of purchasing him a Spotting Jotter and an anorak. Yar0n, our sabra, seemed somewhat cheered by the increase in warmth. On day 1 my father took us out to one of those little back street Yemenite restaurants of the sort I remember visiting many years ago – huge tureens of soup on the boil, everyone on first name terms with the owners, no obvious pricing system and a menu consisting entirely of rice, beans and soup with your choice of weird animal body part. My dad went for head, we were less brave and opted for leg. Yemenite food is not for the fainthearted but it is truly delicious and thought to be Israels healthiest cuisine. It’s also damn cheap which is great but also has the disadvantage of the restaurant attracting a lot of Arsim. [Ivrit term for white trash]. Anyway the service was actually surprisingly good – they were really busy but earnestly trying to keep all happy. So if you are ever in the poor Hatikvah area of Tel aviv and want something warming and flavoursome, check out “Achim Boaz”. At least I think that’s what it’s called.

Later I took the boys to the local park where Jojo decided to jump in about 3,000 puddles. As he was completely filthy anyway I took him as a special treat to the fountains so he could have a play. They keep them on even in Winter and local kids ride their bikes through them and do tricks. I decided if he was already filthy it wouldnt make much difference if he was even wetter. At least he would be clean. You should have seen the looks on peoples faces – I thought someone would call the the Israeli equiv. of social services. Finally a mother came up to me and told me that my kid would catch cold. I explained that we were from England, and that where we come from, 18 degrees C is perfectly acceptable weather for such activities. I wonder if we will ever adjust.